


As Alien as You Are

by ettaberry_tea



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Asexual Character, Awkward Boners, Choking, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Spanking, unspecified sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:09:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ettaberry_tea/pseuds/ettaberry_tea
Summary: Julian Bashir and Elim Garak are deeply in love. There's just one little problem: Julian is pansexual with a staggeringly high libido, and Garak is asexual. They both want monogamy, but what are they going to do about Julian's unmet needs?This is set right after Almaasi's series "Pegging and Parole." If you haven't read it all ready, I suggest you read it along with everything else they've written.This possibly could be the most explicit story about an asexual character posted on Ao3, as told by an author on the ace spectrum.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 12
Kudos: 43





	1. Knickers

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Parole](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26940871) by [almaasi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi). 



> This is dedicated with love to Kleo. I'm so thankful that we met.

“What a… lovely building,” said Julian, trying to be enthusiastic.

The holographic program appeared to be set on Cardassia Prime, going by the sweeping triangles in the architecture and the domed, Central Command building in the distance.

“Really Julian, it’s a pompous, post-contemporary monstrosity,” said Garak.

Julian laughed in surprise. “Then why, on your first day of freedom, are we standing around looking at buildings you think are ugly? We could have gone anywhere you wanted to go.”

Garak gave a mysterious smile. “Oh, we’re not here for the architecture.”

They walked up an expansive set of steps. Garak pulled open one of the great, arched doors for Julian to enter first.

The inside foyer was cathedral-like with grand arches and columns. There was orange and red stained glass that filtered the outdoor light, making the interior glow. The happy chatter of hologram characters echoed off of the walls. Children chased each other, darting around the columns, shrieking and giggling.

“Where are we?” asked Julian.

“I can’t think of a direct translation,” said Garak, “but this is where we Cardassians go to socialize, exercise, and get warm.”

“So, it’s like a gym? With a sauna?

“Ah, the sauna! We’ll go there first. As you know,” said Garak, his voice growing coquettish, “members of my species are much more inclined to _physically exert ourselves_ when we are warm.”

Julian’s heart rate increased. He used his genetic enhancements to force it to slow back down, which made him light-headed. _He wasn’t making an innuendo,_ he told himself. _He’s not attracted to you sexually, remember? Just romantically. He’s not interested in—_ Julian had to screw a lid on his thoughts before they spilled into his brain with images of Garak doing all of the things Julian had fantasized about before he found out Garak was asexual.

There were two entrance ways heading deeper into the building. Garak explained that one was for families, and one was just for adults. They entered the adult entrance and stepped into a room full of flat basking rocks and glowing, ornate, heat lamps. Julian looked over at his partner and saw the tension start to leave his body.

They both stretched out on a rock, side by side. Julian felt like a cat in a sunbeam. Garak had a content smile. He rolled onto his side and gently kissed Julian’s jaw, his warm breath tickling Julian’s skin. Julian turned and put a hand on Garak’s cheek. Garak’s eyes were soft, perhaps even vulnerable.

Garak opened his mouth and then closed it and smiled. Julian ran his hand from his cheek to his shoulder and pulled him a little closer. “What is it?” he said, softly.

“I feel like a young man again,” said Garak.

Julian moved his hand down to Garak’s waist, holding him. He blinked slowly and smiled.

“I feel like…” Garak swallowed, “…like I’m the young and foolish protagonist of an epic, who betrays the state to chase after his equally foolish, young lover.”

“Oh?”

“What would be an equivalent in your culture? Romeo and Juliet?”

Julian felt a spike of nervousness in his gut. “You’re worried that you’re being foolish?”

“I mean to say that this experience is new to me, and I feel excited, giddy even. I suppose one could go further to compare the Federation and the Union to the Capulets and Montagues, but Shakespeare’s star-crossed lovers did not have a neutral space station to take refuge on as we do.”

Garak kissed Julian. “Perhaps I am a fool, but let me be foolish, dear Julian.” Another kiss. “Let me be completely out of my _mind_ over you.”

Julian stifled a whimper by kissing back. He tangled his legs with Garak’s. Garak pressed against Julian and pulled Julian’s leg up higher over his hip. Julian cradled Garak’s head in his hands, pressing kisses all over him. When he kissed the indentation in Garak’s forehead, Garak made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan. His eyes closed in bliss. The sound made Julian’s insides feel hotter than the heat lamps shining down on them. Garak shifted a little, and his thigh put more pressure onto Julian’s crotch. It felt so, so good. Too good. Julian hadn’t had sex in three months, nineteen days and eleven hours, and his body wasn’t about to let him forget it.

It was too much. He had to pull away. Garak looked at him quizzically. Julian stretched and got up. “I’m getting too warm.”

The heat, which was making Julian feel a bit sleepy, seemed to have the opposite effect on Garak. He jumped up and grabbed Julian’s hand enthusiastically, pulling him towards the exit. “It’s time we change our clothes then.”

Julian spluttered, “Change our clothes?”

“Of course, doctor! You will be much more comfortable.”

>>\----------o----------<<

The room beyond the one with the basking rocks was a change room. It was co-ed by the looks of it. The air wasn’t as hot in there, and Julian felt his brain wake up a bit. The hologram Cardassians went in and out of a row of changing stalls. They handed their clothes over to a woman working at what seemed like a coat exchange. Garak went to a set of shelves with spandex clothing neatly stacked on them. He looked back at Julian, and then selected an item for each of them. He handed Julian one. “This should fit.”

Julian went into the change room. He unfolded the spandex garment and swallowed. It was underwear, basically. He was about to walk out in nothing but holographic underwear. Sure, lengthwise, it went almost to his knees, but it was very form fitting and not designed to hide his particular set of anatomy.

Julian took off his clothes and slipped it on. He arranged himself, trying to make it look less awkward. For a brief moment, he even considered trying to tuck, but then he’d be uncomfortable and distracted the whole time, and that would be a waste. He gave up and strode out of the change room. Garak and all of the Cardassian holograms were just going to have to get used to his alien bulge.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Garak stood with his back to him. He turned slowly, sensing Julian’s presence. Julian stared.

He was beautiful. His back was decorated with large, smooth scales that got smaller and trickled off to a point going down, out of sight. The spandex hugged the curve of Garak’s ass. Julian’s eyes trailed down his firm calves to the neatly filed claws of his feet.

Garak came up to him and took his hand, his own eyes wandering considerably. Julian smiled bashfully as Garak led him out of the change room. He was doomed.

>>\----------o----------<<


	2. The Little Problem

Julian looked up at the huge, green dome above them that rippled with the light reflected off of the multiple pools to his right. The sound of children shrieking and splashing echoed off the dome from beyond the barrier separating the adult zone from the family zone. To his left, Cardassians were engaged in all sorts of sports and past times. There were some young men playing a type of full contact handball, darting about out of each other’s reach. There were two women scaling a climbing wall, and a group of friends taking turns trying to balance on a low tightrope. Cardassians soaked in the pools, floating about with just their nostrils poking out. Julian barked out a laugh. They looked like crocodiles.

Garak looked at Julian, amused. “What do you feel like doing?”

 _“This_ is your first day of freedom. You decide.”

Garak grinned mischievously. “If you insist.”

>>\----------o----------<<

“ _This_ is what you want to do.”

Julian shifted his weight nervously, his feet sinking into the padded matt on the floor. Two Cardassian holograms tussled on the ground, trying to pin each other down.

“Is this form of entertainment too violent for you, Doctor? Surely you must spar on occasion in order to be combat ready. Or does Starfleet, in its performative virtuosity, not train their doctors in any form of martial art since it refuses to acknowledge itself as a military organization?”

“Of course, I’m trained for combat! Really Garak! How many away missions have we been on together? You want to wrestle? Let’s dance.”

Garak’s shit-eating grin made Julian want to launch himself at the man, but he paused.

He stepped away from him. “Computer, create an opponent.”

Garak looked surprised. He had obviously expected to be Julian’s opponent, but, on second thought, Julian wasn’t sure if he could take being pinned down by Garak without having some sort of… unfortunate physical reaction, especially when they were both in nothing but their knickers.

A young, fit, Cardassian male materialized in a ready stance. Julian circled his holographic opponent, crouching low. They lunged at each other, grabbing and struggling, until Julian got an opportunity to throw him. They grappled, rolling about. Julian let the hologram get a successful arm bar and he submitted.

“Your turn Garak! See if you can beat him!”

Garak looked from the hologram to Julian. “Do you mind if I step in?” He said to the hologram.

The Hologram bowed his head politely and stepped off of the mat. _Damn it,_ thought Julian.

Garak lowered his center of balance. “Are you afraid of me, Julian?”

“No? Of course not.” He went into a ready stance.

“I think you must be,” said Garak, starting to circle. “Why else did you invite me to ‘dance,’ as you put it, and then step away?”

“What? No, I—”

Garak dove at him, wrapping his arms around his waist. They tumbled to the ground, struggling. Julian wrapped his legs around Garak in a closed guard. Garak sat up on his knees, looking down at him with his damned smug face. His crotch was right up against Julian’s ass. Julian’s body got tingly and his anatomy twitched. _Fuck._

Garak tried to stand to break Julian’s guard, but Julian got a chance to underhook his leg. He took it, twisting his body in a pendulum sweep, and rolling them both. Now he sat on Garak’s chest, holding Garak’s leg under his arm.

Oh, but somehow that was worse. Garak grinned up at him flirtatiously from between his legs. Julian felt blood rush to his face and his groin simultaneously. The damned spandex knickers weren’t going to conceal anything. He sprang to his feet, trying to get away. Garak, still in wrestling mode, grabbed his leg and took him down. Julian hit the mat, getting the wind knocked out of him. Garak’s face was right next to his crotch as they struggled for control.

“Stop, let go! I can’t take this!” cried Julian as soon as he got his breath back.

Garak let go, looking surprised. Julian stumbled to his legs and ran for the change rooms, his face burning with shame.

>>\----------o----------<<

“Julian?”

 _Go away, Elim,_ thought Julian, desperately pressing against his crotch with the heel of his hand. He felt painfully aroused. He also felt like throwing up and crying.

“Are you all right?” asked Garak. “Did I… Julian dear, did I trigger you?”

A little relief filled Julian. Garak didn’t quite know what was going on then. He still had some dignity. “No, I’m not triggered. It’s just, um…”

Julian suddenly felt angry. It was one thing for Garak to not be interested in sex, but Julian felt like he was being quite inconsiderate. He was constantly not taking into consideration how his allosexual partner would be affected his intimate touches and innuendos. It felt like he was being outright toyed with and it was infuriating! Infuriating especially since he so terribly wanted to touch and flirt right back, but he would just get himself all hot and bothered with zero chance of getting any relief.

“Why did you run away then?” asked Garak when Julian didn’t say anything else.

Julian’s angry, horny thoughts smashed around his brain and what came out was: “I can’t stand you!”

Julian saw Garak’s feet take a step back from under the stall door. “What?” He sounded completely puzzled.

“Wait no, that came out wrong, I mean I— your— well just look what you’ve done to me then!”

Julian yanked open the stall door and gestured angrily at his excited member that was straining against his spandex shorts. Garak stared and then burst into laughter. Julian fumed. “What the hell am I supposed to do with this? You don’t want sex, but you have the cruelty to strut about nearly nude and then challenge me to a wrestling match all the while flirting relentlessly? Really? Can you not understand how that’s torture for me when you know damn well that I’m sexually attracted to you?”

Garak seemed to find Julian’s predicament hilarious, although he at least had the sense to try to stifle his laughter with his hand.

Julian’s anger shifted to hurt. “I know you’re asexual, but you could at least make an effort to imagine things from my point of view and not put me into this kind of position. I’m sorry Elim, but I’m having a hard time with this. It’s hard having needs that you don’t share, and you’re really not helping matters prancing around in those tight panties with that round, smug ass of yours.”

“My round, smug… Julian, you’re angry at me, your partner, need I remind you, because wrestling with me gave you an erection?!”

“And you don’t intend to do anything about it!” Julian almost screamed. He clapped a hand over his mouth. “Sorry no, this is my problem not yours. You don’t owe me anything. I’m not saying that you do, it’s just… I can’t take this. I’m sorry Elim. I feel so guilty whenever I feel sexual urges towards you as if I’ve violated you somehow.”

Garak’s smile had completely disappeared. “You feel guilty for being attracted to me.”

“I feel guilty for wanting sex and not being able to control my body. I would do anything for you Elim. I love you. But I can’t…”

Julian bit back a sob. Hot tears ran down his cheeks. He looked down at his disobedient organ, still stubbornly standing at attention.

“Julian…” Garak reached his arms out to him like he was going to hug him.

Julian sprung back, holding up his hand between them and pointing his finger. “Stay away from me you devilishly sexy lizard man!”

Garak’s face twitched like he wanted to smile, but Julian’s furious expression sobered him up. He took a step back. Julian wrapped his arms around himself and leaned against the side of the stall. He squeezed his eyes shut and more tears spilled out.

“Julian…” Garak tried again, cautiously, “Just because _I’m_ asexual doesn’t mean that I expect _you_ to become asexual. You know that, right?”

Julian nodded without looking up. “I guess.”

“I hope that you know that I love you as you are, and that _includes_ your orientation. I’m honestly flattered by this sexual attraction towards me that you experience, even though it’s—well pardon me my dear, but it’s as alien to me as you are! I can’t say I’m not intrigued by it though.”

“Intrigued?” Julian sniffled and wiped his eyes, looking up at Garak.

“Why yes! You experience something which I do not. It inspires curiosity in me. I can’t help but to want to,” Garak’s eyes flicked down and then back to Julian’s face, “experiment.”

Julian glared at him. “So, you’re a scientist now, are you? Are my desires, my heart, my feelings just test subjects in some sort of morally questionable science project?”

“You twisted my words!”

Julian threw up his hands in frustration and stormed off. “I’m done yelling at you in this state. I’m finding my clothes and then I’m going to go back to our quarters to take one miserable shower. Please give me some space.”

>>\----------o----------<<


	3. Arrangements

Garak didn’t return to their quarters until it was long past super time. Julian lay in bed, listening to R&B while trying to soothe the ache in his heart.

Garak entered the bedroom the way one might enter the cave of a hibernating bear. “Am I sleeping on the couch tonight?” he asked unobtrusively.

Julian didn’t answer. He sat up and gestured to the foot of the bed. Garak sat down.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” Julian said quietly.

“I’m sorry for laughing,” said Garak.

Julian picked up Kukalaka and cradled him. He sighed. “What do we do now?” he asked.

Garak stared at the wall in thought. “What do you need?”

Julian traced Kukalaka’s stitches with his fingers. “I don’t know. I guess…” he paused to think and then sat up straighter and looked at Garak. “I’m tired of feeling ashamed. I think what I need is your permission, sort of. I mean, your permission to just— to be attracted to you and desire you and occasionally think,” Julian blushed, glanced back down at Kukalaka and then looked shyly at Garak, “think dirty thoughts? About you? Would that be okay?”

Garak beamed. “That would be more than okay! Of course, you may, my dear!”

Julian pulled his knees up to his chest and peaked over them, bashful. Garak gave him a sideways glance. “You know, there’s no need to hide away from me when you get visibly aroused. It’s not like I’m going to perish at the sight of it.”

Julian reached out and finally let Garak give him a hug. He hid his burning face.

>>\----------o----------<<

The next day, they ate lunch together in the replimat. “I missed this,” said Garak. “There’s nothing as gratifying as arguing so avidly that people at other tables glare at us.”

“You like having an audience, do you?” Julian teased.

Garak took a bite of his fish stew. “Tell me doctor, what is it like to be afflicted with this sexual attraction you speak of?”

Julian spat some of his tea back into his cup. Garak looked at him expectantly.

“Ah, um,” Julian stammered. “You want me to answer that here?”

Garak looked around them and then back at Julian. “Have I been inappropriate? I apologize.”

“No, no, it’s just you caught me off guard. I can answer. Um, let me think. Well, how do you feel when you’re hungry and you see that smelly stew that you’re so fond of? The one that’s sitting there in front of you.”

Garak looked at his stew. “I salivate and I have the urge to put it in my mouth. Wait, are you saying that, when you look at _me_ you feel the same way I feel about my _food_?!”

Julian laughed “No and also yes? I mean, there’s parts of you that I,” he blushed and lowered his voice, “thatiwouldn’tmindputinginmymouth.”

“What was that Doctor?”

“Nothing! Nothing, I just feel a strong desire to be very, very close to you, preferably with no clothes on and, well… I feel like I want to be so close that I… merge… with you.”

Garak tilted his head as if Julian had just told him an interesting fact about a far-away gas giant or a newly discovered species of fish. “Fascinating. I can’t say that I have ever experienced that desire, but I find it… endearing that you feel that way towards me.”

Julian snorted. “Endearing. Really, Elim.”

“Flattering?”

Julian rolled his eyes and took a bite of his sandwich. He swallowed. “You made me describe sexual attraction. How would you describe what you feel towards me then? It’s your turn. Describe romantic attraction while I condescendingly call _you_ endearing.”

Garak looked at Julian, his eyes deepening. He leaned in close, took Julian’s hand and dabbed the mustard off of it before holding it. “Every single day I _yearn_ for you, Doctor. I could write books upon books just dedicated to the way you sip your tea to hide your smile, or the way your eyes light up when you speak of your research. I’m filled with the ill-advised urge to tell you all of my secrets. I want to share my joy and pain, delight and sorrow. I want to hold you as you sleep each night and hear you say you want me…” Garak hesitated. He looked down at their hands and back into Julian’s eyes. “And I want to grow old with you. I’m nervous saying that because I don’t know what our futures will be like, but it’s how I feel. About you. Julian, I feel it so strongly it hurts!”

Julian’s heart leapt forwards out of his chest and into their hands. “Elim.”

Garak smiled at him. “Are you feeling a particular desire towards me when I say that? Perhaps, the one that we discussed in prior?”

“I’m feeling everything,” said Julian. “It’s all mixed together for me. When I feel romantic towards you, there’s sexual desire too. When I’m aroused, there’s also a part of me that wants to soppily profess my love and never let you go. I can’t separate the sexual from the romantic. I’ve tried but it’s absolutely hopeless! I’m thankful we talked about it yesterday.”

“As am I. I had no idea how terrible you were feeling.”

“Perhaps we could go on another date tonight? I think it should be someplace new so that we can start over.”

“That sounds lovely,” said Garak. “Come pick me up from my shop at nineteen hundred.”

>>\----------o----------<<

Julian arrived at Garak’s shop wearing his freshly ironed tux. “Ah, are we off to play another episode of Julian Bashir, Secret Agent?” asked Garak.

“Actually, no. I just thought I’d dress up. I’m taking you out to dinner.”

“Well! I can’t be caught dressed like this if you’re dressed like that!” tutted Garak, looking through his racks of merchandise.

Julian laughed. “I accounted for that when I made the reservation.”

Garak pulled a few items off the racks and went into the dressing room in the back. “Lock the front doors, will you? The customers will try to squeeze their way in despite the front lights being off.”

Julian did as he was told. When he came back, he did a double take. Garak was wearing a black, sparkling evening gown with three quarter length sleeves and a boat neckline. He was sitting on a stool and doing up some black velvet, high-heeled boots.

He stood gracefully, went over to the mirror and applied dark grey lipstick as well as purple eyeshadow. He put a little purple on his chufa and neck-ridges too. Then he combed and sprayed his hair with gel remover and expertly twisted it back. He set it in place with a golden hair piece. A strand of his hair fell against his cheek, and he tucked it behind his ear.

Garak turned and smiled at Julian who was staring.

“I’ve never seen you wear a dress before,” Julian blurted out.

Garak laughed at his reaction. “Is this not the appropriate equivalent to your Terran tuxedo?”

Julian’s eyes could not help but wander over how well the dress fit Garak’s form. He had obviously made some alterations which could only imply that this was not as spontaneous as he was passing it off as.

“My eyes are up here, love,” teased Garak. “Shall we head out?”

Julian offered Garak his arm, and they were off.

>>\----------o----------<<

They both were way overdressed for the Bajoran Celestial Café, but that didn’t bother either of them in the slightest. They dined on maazu dumplings and fruit while listening to a live woodwind ensemble play sweet, romantic tunes. They made eyes while teasing each other in hushed voices paired with dramatic gestures.

They stayed until the café closed, basking in each other’s soft affection and sharing all sorts of sweet Bajoran confections. Then, they walked hand in hand along the dimming promenade.

“Keep it on a little longer,” said Julian when they were inside their quarters.

“You like it then,” said Garak, twirling in his dress.

“You’re beautiful.”

“I am, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of me.”

“I couldn’t.”

Julian stepped forwards and put his hands on Garak’s waist. “Computer, a waltz.”

Garak raised his eye ridges and looked excited. He bent and unzipped his high-heeled shoes and kicked them across the room while gripping Julian’s shoulder for balance. Julian showed him the steps, and then they both flew about their quarters, dancing, spinning and laughing.

* * *

* * *

It turned into kissing. Garak melted in Julian’s arms and Julian dipped him, making him gasp in delighted surprise and cling to him. He pulled him up and spun him to the couch where they both collapsed in a mess of grabbing hands and lips.

Julian pulled off his jacket and kicked off his shoes. Before he thought about what he was doing, he was unfastening the buttons of his shirt. Garak didn’t notice and kept kissing him while stroking his hair.

Julian gently removed Garak’s hair clip. Garak looked surprised but unbothered. Julian pulled him onto his lap, which he enthusiastically permitted and rearranged his dress so that it didn’t catch.

Garak slipped his tongue between Julian’s lips. Julian gasped and deepened their kiss. Garak cradled his head so lovingly and kissed him so passionately that Julian’s insides screamed with desire. His cock rose faster than the twin moons of Pherota seven.

“Stop,” he said suddenly, pulling his head back. He gently pushed Garak off his lap. “Why are you letting me do this?”

“Letting you do what? Make out with me? I’ll have you know I enjoy kissing just as much as you do.”

“That was a little farther than merely kissing. You just sat in my lap and frenched me! It was bordering on foreplay!”

“Are you complaining?”

“Yes, yes I am in fact. I loved what we were doing but I know it ends with me sobbing in frustration and trying pitifully to rub one out in the bathroom. If that’s how this is going to end tonight, I’d rather we didn’t go this far in the first place. It’s too painful.”

Garak’s expression was difficult to read. He stood up and took Julian’s hand. “You are not going to spend tonight crying in the bathroom. That is unacceptable.”

“God Elim, I don’t want you to pity-fuck me.”

“I wasn’t offering,” said Garak. “Just get up and come with me.”

Julian obeyed. Garak led him to their bedroom. “Take off your nice clothes, fold them— don’t just toss them on the chair, and get into your pajamas.”

Garak removed his dress quickly without hiding himself and put on his own nightwear. Julian gaped at him and then hurried to do the same. His erection tented his pajama bottoms awkwardly. Garak hung up his dress in the closet.

“Computer, dim lights forty percent. Play…” he turned and squinted at Julian, “…some smooth jazz, 30 decibels.”

 _Kill me,_ thought Julian. _Just kill me Elim. It would be more merciful._

Garak went out of the room. Julian squeezed his eyes shut and screamed in his mind before awkwardly heading into their living area.

Garak was tucking towels into the couch.

“What are you doing?” asked Julian.

“I’m making you a spot.”

“A spot?!”

Garak looked over at Julian’s crotch, frowned, and then added a few more towels. “Do your genitalia self-lubricate?”

“What? No, why?” Julian spluttered.

Garak went to the replicator. “twelve ounces of water-based personal lubricant.”

The replicator beeped and created a bottle of lube. Garak set it down on the side-table, next to the couch which was completely swaddled in towels. “Is there anything else you need?”

“You want me to masturbate on our couch?” Julian said, incredulously. “Out here in the open?”

“Instead of crying in the bathroom? Yes. Come here and sit down.”

Julian slowly walked over and sat down. He did not feel at all sexy or in the mood to masturbate despite being aroused. He just felt empty and sad.

This was worse than hiding in the bathroom. Julian burst into tears. Garak touched his shoulder, but he pushed his partner’s hand away.

“Julian, what is it? Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just want to feel wanted,” Julian wailed.

“Oh, no Julian, no, you _are_ wanted.” Garak sat down next to him without touching him. “I want you. I want you so terribly, horribly so. And I want you to feel happy and relaxed and content, not like this. Please let me help you. Let me help you take care of yourself.”

Julian looked up at the last sentence, searching Garak’s face. He had thought that Garak was just going to head off to bed and leave him on the couch, but it seemed that his partner had other intentions. “You want to help me?”

“I want to hold you and shower you with affection while you take care of that prominent lump betwixt your legs,” said Garak.

Julian’s chest surged with longing, but he crushed it back down. “I’ve guilted you into this,” he said. “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret it.”

“I could never regret trying to help you Julian. I love you. I see that you’re suffering. I want to make you feel better. Do you not feel the same way towards me in other scenarios? Do you regret it when you massage my sore neck or help me crack my back? Would you say that I’ve guilted you into making me feel better simply because your young, genetically enhanced body usually has no need for such services to be returned?”

“I guess not,” said Julian, not meeting his eyes.

“Kiss me then,” said Garak.

Julian looked up. Garak looked at him almost sternly. “I forbid you to hide away in the bathroom and wallow in sorrow, telling yourself that you aren’t wanted when you have a partner, right here, right in front of you who is at the point of _begging_ you to let him hold you.”

Julian sobbed and curled himself into Garak’s arms. Garak gently shushed him and covered his hair and cheeks with kisses. He pulled a pillow behind himself against the armrest of the couch and leaned back, holding Julian to his chest. Julian lay on his side, his ear pressed to Garak’s sternum. He listened to his partner’s steady heartbeat. Garak stroked his hair and wiped his tears away with his thumb.

“You are loved and wanted,” he said. His hand moved to Julian’s back and soothingly rubbed it. He cradled Julian’s cheek with his other hand and kissed his temple. “You are my heart, my light and my path. I am here with you. Let go, love. Stop resisting your needs. It’s alright. Do what you need to do.”

Julian squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face. He scrunched a handful of Garak’s top in his fist. Garak lightly traced his fingers down the side of Julian’s body and along his thigh. “Pull your pants down,” he whispered.

Julian’s breath caught in his throat. His heart thundered in his chest. He couldn’t move.

“Would you like me to pull them down for you?”

Julian whimpered and nodded against him. Garak slowly hooked a finger into Julian’s waistband and tugged his pajama bottoms down. Julian felt cool air against his bum. His skin tingled. Garak’s finger moved to the front and he helped the waistband over Julian’s erection.

Julian took Garak’s hand and held it. He relaxed. Cuddling like this, exposed, felt divinely intimate. His lips drew into a little smile and he sighed and snuggled in closer.

They just lay there, holding each other.

Garak took in a breath. “Julian?”

“Mm?”

“Is something holding you back? Are you worried about making a mess?”

Julian didn’t feel like talking. He nuzzled Garak’s chest with his face. Garak chuckled. “Are you feeling shy? Don’t be shy dear. I don’t mind if I have to change my clothes. Just let your body do its thing. You’ll feel better.”

Garak sat up a little and reached for the bottle of lube on the side table behind him. He took Julian’s hand and squirted some into it. “There,” he said, softly. “Why don’t we sit up a bit.”

Garak scooched backwards so that he was fully sitting. He had one leg lying flat on the couch, and the other planted firmly on the floor. Julian took his weight off of Garak and knelt between his legs on the sofa.

Garak locked eyes with him. He guided Julian’s lubed hand downwards until it bumped against the erection. Julian softly gasped. He opened his fingers and slowly wrapped them around his straining length. “That’s it,” said Garak gently, his hand still on Julian’s. “Good, Julian, very good. Do what you need to do now. Show me.”

Julian felt like he was frozen in a trance, staring deep into Garak’s ice blue eyes. “Elim,” he begged, his lips barely moving. “Kiss me.”

Garak surged forwards and locked lips with him, his hands running all over Julian’s body. Julian moaned loudly and started to pump his hand on his cock.

“Good, yes Julian yes! Oh, you’re beautiful my love. Keep going. Make a mess, my dear. Yes, yes, yes! Good!”

Garak’s praises made Julian want to weep with excitement. This was better than he could have possibly imagined. “Elim!” he cried out. “Oh Elim! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Iloveyousomuchmm ooh! Hmgh!”

“My sweet, sweet young lover,” cooed Garak, getting poetic. “Cover me with the seed of your affection!”

Julian’s testicles pulled in tight towards his body. His muscles shook. He rose higher on his knees, and his hand moved faster. He whimpered unintelligibly. Julian felt Garak’s hands firmly grab his ass. He screamed and came, spilling ribbons of semen onto the front of his partner’s night shirt.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” whispered Garak. “Sweet Julian, yes. Good job.”

Julian fell onto Garak and clung to him tightly, crying this time with relief. “Thank you thank you thank you,” he whispered back.

>>\----------o----------<<


	4. The Tease

Julian had hoped that by the next day his body and mind would feel relief and be ready to let him focus on other things, but instead he somehow felt even worse. His mind replayed the scene from last night over and over, and he almost got an erection sitting at his desk in the infirmary when he was supposed to be charting. Taking a short break to jerk off in the bathroom didn’t give him any respite. 

By the time he headed home from his late shift, he was in a terrible state. He didn’t feel like he could just ask for what he needed when Garak had already helped him last night.

He didn’t have to ask. Garak was in a fresh pair of nightclothes when he came to greet Julian at the door. He fed Julian dinner and then ordered him to strip.

Julian stammered and protested out of some cursed need to preserve his dignity.

“I can see it in your expression,” said Garak. “I’m starting to figure out your tells, love. Come on then. Off with them. There’s no need for you to suppress yourself out of some sort of misplaced sense of chivalry.”

Garak walked over to him and gave him a deep, passionate kiss. He started to lift Julian’s uniform. Julian whimpered and pulled it off, divesting himself of all of his clothing within ten seconds. Garak laughed and touched him all over. “I knew it!” he declared. “I know you!”

Suddenly there was lube in his hand, and he was bent over the dining table with Garak kissing his neck and back and pressing against him and oh! His hands were making their way from Julian’s ass to his lower abdomen. “Will you teach me how to make you feel good?” asked Garak.

Julian found himself unable to speak. He bit his lip and whined.

Garak whispered in his ear. “May I touch it?”

Julian nodded and bit back a scream when he felt his partner’s cool, scaly hand wrap around his cock. Garak added some lube and moved his hand as Julian had done last night, passing his thumb over the tip.

“Oh! GARAK! Elim, faster! faster, ohmygodelimmmph!”

He barely lasted a minute. After he had made a mess of the floor, Garak held him tight in his arms and covered him with kisses. “I’ll do that as many times as you need,” he said. “Even if it’s five times a night. You have no idea the _delight_ I get from having the power to make you scream my name like that!”

Julian buried his face shyly in Garak’s neck and pressed into him. The pressure felt so good against his softening cock and he imagined never letting go of the wonderful, intelligent, mysterious man who was holding him so tenderly. He was almost moved to tears as affection surged in him.

They did it again on the couch, slower this time. Garak lay back and played with Julian’s hair while Julian rested his head on Garak’s stomach and played with himself. His second orgasm was like lying back into a warm bath. He felt sleepy and content.

When he came out of his post-orgasmic stupor, he got up, kissed Garak on the head and went to clean himself off in the bathroom. He got into his pajamas. Then he came back, sat down next to his partner and gave him a hug. “I wish there was some way for me to make you feel as loved and cared for as I’m feeling right now,” he said. “If you don’t want me to get you off, maybe there’s something else you’d like.”

Garak beamed. He got up and went to their extensive bookshelf that was filled with books of all different kinds of formats. He came back with one that was bound in some sort of otherworldly leather. It looked well loved. He handed it to Julian along with a translator glass.

Julian opened it and held the translator glass over the pages. “Oh! You want me to read you poetry.”

It was romantic poetry. Garak selected one and curled up against Julian while Julian read to him.

_My cherished one,  
I could be sustained alone from just kissing the place  
From where your foot has passed,  
For life and light seep forth  
From everything you touch._

Garak closed his eyes blissfully and Julian kissed his forehead.

>>\----------o----------<<

They fell into a routine. About three times a week Julian needed some relief, and afterwards he would cuddle up with Garak and read to his partner from the poetry book. Julian started to practice the poems and that evolved into learning Cardassi.

When Julian looked Garak in the eyes and poetically expressed his love in his partner’s own language, Garak was moved to tears. Julian held him and kissed him all over the way Garak usually did after helping Julian. “ _I love you,_ ” Julian whispered in Cardassi. “ _You are my heart, my light and my path._ ”

Garak started to sob and clung to him. It was deeply satisfying.

One evening, Garak asked Julian to come by his store after work.

“Lock the doors behind you,” he said as soon as Julian came in.

Julian did. He turned to look at Garak, wondering what the heck was going on. Garak beckoned him into the back room where his sewing equipment and shelves of fabric were. “I want something other than poetry tonight,” he said mysteriously.

Julian raised his eyebrows. He watched Garak rummage around in a drawer at his workstation. He found what he was looking for and placed it in his partner’s hand.

It was a black, leather paddle. Julian looked down at it and back at Garak, speechless.

“Wait … you want me to… oh, oh my…” he babbled, his cheeks growing warm.

“I want you to bend me over my workstation, yank my pants down and tell me that I’ve been a _naughty, naughty tailor_ while giving me a thorough spanking,” said Garak without a hint of bashfulness.

“I-I-I…” Julian stammered, “I’ve never… I- how? I mean… I don’t want to injure you I mean…”

“You can’t do too much damage as long as you just hit my rear,” said Garak. “I’ll let you know if I want you to stop.”

Julian swallowed nervously and nodded. He was interested, but unsure how to proceed. Garak took his hand. “Do you want to?” he asked quietly. “We can stop if it’s too weird for you. Neither of us have to do anything if one of us is uncomfortable.” Garak licked his lips. There was a hunger in his eyes Julian hadn’t seen before. “But I really, really want you to tell me… call me…”

Julian smiled. “A naughty tailor?”

Garak’s face didn’t move but his eyes screamed his excitement.

“I want to,” said Julian. “Teach me how.”

Garak took the paddle from Julian. “May I? I won’t hit you.”

Julian nodded, and Garak gently touched Julian’s ass with it.

He placed the paddle at the cup of Julian’s ass right above where his legs joined; right where it felt the best to be squeezed. Julian sighed needily.

“You’re not paying attention at all,” teased Garak, “you’re just excited I’m touching your butt.”

Julian giggled. “I’m paying attention.”

“Here is the best place to hit. Here is too high. Here is too low.” He moved the paddle accordingly and then handed it back to Julian.

Julian grinned and gave Garak a swat. Garak yipped in surprise. “Doctor!”

“Don’t act so surprised Mr. Garak,” said Julian. “You should know full well what’s about to happen. You’ve had it coming for a while now.”

Garak held up his hands playfully and put on his customer service smile. “Doctor, please! I know I can explain myself.”

“Oh, can you?” said Julian, moving closer.

Garak backed up. “I’m sorry I’ve been distracted as of late, but I assure you, I’ll get caught up.”

“Distracted?”

“Well, you see,” said Garak, backing up into his worktable, “I’m in love.”

“Love,” Julian scoffed. He spread his arms to an imaginary audience. “He can’t get his commissions done on time because he’s in _lo-ve._ What a load of balderdash.”

“It’s true, I swear,” said Garak, swallowing and trying to back up even further to the point of climbing onto his workstation.

“Get down from there,” ordered Julian, “and bend over.”

Garak hopped down. “But… but Doctor! Please!”

“Now!” Julian barked.

“Please Doctor! I’ll get caught up! Please, I’ll be good!”

“You knew the penalty when you let yourself get distracted by ‘love’ and fall behind. You had your chance already, and you’ve demonstrated that you need some _reinforcement._ ”

Garak looked down guiltily.

“Turn around,” Julian said sternly.

To his surprise, Garak obeyed and braced himself against the desk.

“That’s right,” said Julian. “You’ve been a naughty, naughty tailor and now you’re going to take your punishment.”

He yanked Garak’s pants down to his mid thighs. “What’s this?”

Garak laughed and stuck his butt in the air tauntingly.

“You’re wearing a thong? What kind of work attire is that?!” Julian hooked the thong with his finger and made it snap against Garak. “You’re incorrigible!”

“It’s comfortable!”

“It’s unprofessional. For the heinous transgression of dressing like a slut at work, five strokes.”

Julian rested the paddle on the lower cheek of Garak’s ass, pulled back, and used his wrist to deliver a short, sharp smack. Garak flinched a little. “One,” said Julian. He made the second one a bit more forceful and Garak gasped. “Two.”

The gasp woke something up in Julian. He wanted to make Garak do that again. He was surprised when he found himself taking pleasure from delivering the rest of the blows.

Julian wracked his imagination for more transgressions to charge Garak with. “For the crime of hemming all of your trousers too short, ten strokes.” Garak gasped and squirmed. “For closing up your shop early to chase after cute men, twelve strokes!” Garak yelped and his gasps turned to whines. The sounds he made were driving Julian crazy. “For prancing around like a strumpet with those tight-fitting pants and revealing necklines, fifteen strokes!”

“Doctor please!” Garak whined.

Julian showed his ass no mercy and Garak screamed and tried to squirm away. Julian grabbed his arm and pushed him into the workstation. He paused. “Are you all right?” he whispered.

Garak nodded. His eyes were squeezed shut. Julian’s body and mind filled with a predatory energy he did not know existed in him. He delivered the rest of the blows, relishing Garak’s unhinged reaction.

“Prophets!” someone shouted. It wasn’t either of them.

Julian slowly turned around. A middle aged Bajoran woman stood in the doorway of Garak’s workspace. Her eyes were wide, and her hand was over her mouth.

Julian didn’t know what to do so he smiled awkwardly and tucked the paddle behind his back. “Hi?”

Garak yanked up his pants. His customer service smile was nowhere in sight. “My shop is closed,” he said.

“I know I just saw your light on in the back and thought I’d stop in and see if you were done with the alterations…” the woman babbled. Her eyes were as big as moons. She looked back and forth between them.

Garak ushered her out through the dark storefront. When he came back, he looked murderous.

“I locked the doors,” Julian said. “I swear. You saw me do it.”

“I did,” said Garak, sitting down at his computer terminal. He opened up the data from his security system and huffed with incredulity. He looked over at Julian. “She picked my lock.”

“She what?!”

Garak showed him the proof and Julian laughed in disbelief. Garak started to laugh too. Then they both couldn’t stop.

“Oh, you really _are_ a naughty tailor!” said Julian. “Caught with your pants down after hours! How dare you not be working on Ms. Orda’s alterations right at this very moment!”

Garak snickered. He turned his terminal off and sat on top of it. “There’s a second part to this experiment, you know.”

“Oh?”

“Sit in my chair.”

Julian did. Garak gave the computer a preprogrammed order and kicked off his shoes. The overhead lights went off, and the room lit up with pink and orange strip lights. Club music with a slow, pounding base vibrated through Julian’s chest. “Elim?”

Garak gave him a mischievous sideways look and started unclasping his tunic, swaying to the beat. He slid it off to reveal a tight, silver undershirt. The smile he gave him was the kind he gave when he was about to kick Julian’s ass at kotra. _You are mine,_ it said. Julian knew then that he was done for.

Garak circled his chair and stood behind him. He ran his hands down Julian’s chest and back up to his hair. He then spun the chair around and stopped it with a foot between Julian’s legs. Julian had his mouth hanging open. _Oh my god,_ he mouthed.

Garak started to undulate his body, rolling his hips and shoulders slowly in rhythm. Julian stared at him, transfixed. Garak swung a leg over Julian’s lap. He sat facing him and ground against him. He took Julian’s hands and ran them down the front of his chest and then up under his undershirt.

He pulled it off slowly, rolling his body. Julian dared to run a finger down his chest and feel the smooth trail of scales that decorated Garak’s torso. Garak smiled confidently at him and stepped out of reach. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his pants and slowly exposed himself, swaying his hips to the beat. Julian stopped breathing. It felt surreal. Garak stepped out of his pants and now wore nothing but a silver thong.

He dropped to his hands and knees and crawled forwards like a cat stalking its prey. Julian shivered. His almost naked partner crawled up his body and breathed on his neck. Julian whimpered, frozen in his seat.

Garak stood and prowled around behind him, trailing his hand as he went. Julian felt him tug on his hair and pull his head to the right. Suddenly Garak’s leg was over his left shoulder and his face was inches away from his partner’s groin. Garak moved his hips tantalizingly. Julian looked up at him, hardly believing what was happening. 

Garak put his leg back down and finished his circle around Julian. He backed up into his lap and wiggled his nearly naked butt against him, placing Julian’s hands on either cheek. For a moment, Garak’s pelvis brushed Julian’s erection and Julian bit back a whimper.

Garak stood up and sat sideways on Julian’s lap, one arm around Julian’s neck and one spread flat against his partner’s chest. The music ended.

“Wow,” was all Julian could think of to say.

“I practiced,” said Garak. “What did you think?”

“Elim, I… Elim where the heck did that come from?”

“From your home planet I believe. It’s called a lap dance. Morn told me about them.”

“Morn? No, I don’t want to know, I just… wow.”

Garak laughed at Julian’s stunned expression and played with his hair.

“I’m confused,” said Julian after he got his voice back.

“What is confusing dear?”

“I thought you were asexual.”

“I am.”

“You just gave me a lap dance.”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I have an appreciative audience.”

“But you’re asexual.”

“Has it not occurred to you that I enjoy your attention?”

“My attention.”

“Precisely.”

“So, you like it that you can turn me on.”

“It’s terribly easy. It’s one of your most extensive vulnerabilities, I’m afraid. You should be careful love. Someone could use it against you.”

“This is so not fair.”

“You just noticed now, did you?”

Poor Julian needed three rounds of ‘help’ that night before he could calm down enough to go to sleep. Garak looked very smug the entire time.


	5. Needle and Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Guldukat-is-shredded on Tumblr for coming up with some particular euphemisms used in this chapter. A link will be provided at the end.

Garak looked exhausted when he came home from work the next day. As soon as the door swooshed open, Julian was met with a hailstorm of griping.

“You would not _believe_ the day I’ve had,” said Garak, making a beeline for the couch and collapsing onto it like a Victorian heroine. “Odo insisted on unpacking _every single one_ of my shipments. He dumped my rolls of fabric onto the soiled cargo bay floor and _refused_ to reimburse me for the damages. Then my sewing machine broke and I lost two hours trying to fix it.”

Julian brought him a cup of tea and set it in front of him.

“While I was in the middle of the repairs, I got _yelled_ at by _three separate customers_ who are now apparently under the impression that you and I have _sex_ all over their commissions after hours. I have my suspicions as to who may have started _that_ rumor. Finally, _just as I was getting ready to go home,_ my desktop terminal shorted out and I lost all of my progress on my designs.”

Julian came and perched on one of the arm rests. He maneuvered Garak to sit in front of him and started giving him a neck massage.

“It’s as if the entire station— mmm, yes right there— It’s as if the entire station decided to completely forget their manners and basic decency. Just because— mmm— they hire me they think that I’m indebted to them, and any reservations they would have about throwing a tantrum go straight out the airlock!”

“It’s no wonder you’re so tense,” commented Julian, working his thumbs into Garak’s trapezius.

Garak groaned appreciatively. “My entire upper back is sore from being hunched over, trying to fix my sewing machine and then trying to make up for lost time.”

“Take your shirt off and go lie down on our bed,” said Julian. “I’ll make you feel better.”

He kissed the back of Garak’s head.

Julian was used to giving patients massages. It was one of the many more unusual and holistic services he offered. Hypo spray medication could numb an area temporarily, but, despite its popularity, Julian found that it was insufficient in treating chronic pain. Sometimes, older forms of medicine were actually more effective in the long run.

Because of how often he gave massages in a professional role, Garak’s moans of appreciation surprisingly didn’t have much of an effect on him. He rubbed some massage oil into Garak’s bare back and started to work out the knots.

“Uhgh, a little higher, ooh yes! Right there! Aah! Harder. Yesss! Oh!”

The noises that Garak made were just like the noises Major Kira or Captain Sisko made when they got back massages. It was completely unremarkable to Julian. He was just taking care of another patient.

“Oh! please do my neck again,” begged Garak.

Julian smiled affectionately down at him and applied some more massage oil. He ran his fingers down Garak’s neck ridges and started to work his fingers into the sinew. The groan Garak gave was nearly profane.

Julian noticed a colour change in Garak’s neck ridges. They started to flush black. The dark pigment spread the more Julian rubbed. “That feelsss ssso good. Pleassse don’t sstop,” moaned Garak.

So, Julian didn’t stop. Garak started to lift his chest off the bed, arching his back and clenching his muscles. This finally registered with Julian as odd. People were supposed to relax with massages.

“O-oh! Please! Aa-aah!”

Julian noticed where one of Garak’s hands was and suddenly the whole situation had an entirely new context.

“Elim! Oh my God! What are you doing?”

Garak whined when Julian took his hands away. “It feelss sso nice!”

Julian laughed. “I can’t believe I just caught you with your hand down your trousers.”

“Jhyulian,” Garak wined. “Just because I don’t have the libido of a Cardassian vole like you do, doesn’t mean that I don’t have neeedsss.”

“So, you’re just touching yourself with absolutely no restraint? No wonder your customers think you have sex on their clothes. Naughty, naughty, naughty!”

Julian slapped Garak’s clothed ass. Garak moaned needily. “At least have the decency to pull my pants down first,” he complained.

“Get your hand out of your trousers you naughty tailor,” Julian scolded, pulling on Garak’s arm. “I’ll have none of this promiscuous behavior from you! Get off the bed!”

Garak slowly got off the bed and gave Julian a defiant glare. Julian shot him a stern look.

“Go get my paddle.”

“But Doctor! I just want you to touchh me. Pleasse touch me. You promisssed to make me ffeeel better.”

He started to slip his hand back into his pants. Julian forcefully grabbed his hand and gave it a hard, aggressive slap on the back, the way his mother used to do to him. Garak looked startled. He massaged his hand in an affronted manner. “Get the paddle Garak. I won’t ask again.”

Garak went, biting back words of protest. He reluctantly handed Julian the paddle.

“Explain to me why you’re about to receive this spanking,” Julian said, his voice harsh. It was the same question his father had asked him as a child.

“Because I was naughty and touched myself when you were giving me a massage,” said Garak, trying to keep a straight face.

“I’m glad that you understand. Now I’m going to help you remember this lesson. Take off your pants.”

They stared each other down. Slowly, Garak removed his pants. Julian went to the chair where he usually tossed his clothes when he undressed. He sat down and planted his feet firmly on the ground.

“Come here and bend over my knee.”

Garak did as he was told.

“Pull your knickers down.”

He did.

“Now tell me you’re sorry.”

“You want me to lie then?”

Garak yelped when the paddle hit him. “Doctor! That hurt!”

“That’s the point Mr. Garak. Now apologize.”

“I’m sorry,” Garak said, sarcastically.

Julian gave his ass another wallop.

“Ow! I said sorry!”

“But you didn’t mean it did you. Now say: ‘sorry for being a naughty tailor.’”

Garak stubbornly kept his mouth shut. Julian struck him again and again. The paddle swished through the air. Garak flinched each time, trying not to make a sound and failing.

Something felt off to Julian. He was enjoying Garak’s bratty playfulness, but something inside him felt gross about what he was doing. He tried to ignore it, but the discomfort grew with each stroke he delivered.

Julian dropped the paddle and just stopped. Garak still hadn’t said sorry. After a moment of waiting for another blow that didn’t come, Garak turned his head and squirmed backwards. “Julian?”

Julian spoke after a moment. “I don’t like doing it this way,” he said. “I think I got carried away with pretending and accidently upset myself.”

Garak got off Julian’s lap and pulled his underwear back up. He winced as he sat down on the bed.

Julian stayed where he was, staring off into space. “All of those things I said to you? They were said to me as a child.”

“Oh,” said Garak, understanding dawning on his face.

Julian’s discomfort transformed into anger and sadness. He was tired of his childhood always finding ways to affect him as an adult. He wished he could just pack it into a box or rewrite it somehow.

Julian felt like talking so he started and couldn’t stop. “When I was a child, before I was altered, I was a bit of a handful. I used to run out of the house and into the road. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just leave when I wanted to. I used to take candy from the store and just start eating it. I didn’t understand that I was supposed to buy it first.”

“I used to hit and bite people if they grabbed me. I didn’t like to be touched suddenly because I found it frightening. I used to throw tantrums frequently if the lights were too bright or if I wasn’t given enough time to transition between tasks. Sometimes, I took off all of my clothes in public because they were itchy. My parents didn’t know how to handle a child with special needs.”

Garak looked at him kindly as he spoke. Julian felt nervous about sharing Jules. His mouth kept moving.

“Long before he learned about genetic resequencing, my father tried other ways to turn me into his perfect son. When he failed, he would take all of his anger and frustration out on me. He used to bring me to his study. He’d lock the door so that I couldn’t escape him, and then he’d berate me while I cowered and cried.”

“Then he’d make me take off my pants in front of him and,” Julian’s voice caught in his throat, “he’d beat me. He’d make me tell him that I was sorry over and over. He’d tell me that he was helping me learn a lesson.”

Julian put a hand over his mouth and took a moment before speaking again. Garak reached out and took his other hand. Julian squeezed it.

“Afterwards… afterwards he was nice, and he’d give me cookies and that’s just… It was all a part of it. He was nice so that he could do it again later.”

“I had no idea,” said Garak. “I’m so sorry.”

Julian needed a moment to find his voice again. Garak rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb.

“It’s just really fucked up? I didn’t realize I had been abused until I learned about child abuse in a pediatrics course at Starfleet Academy. I had rationalized it all before then that it was just how British parents treated ‘difficult’ children. I honestly believed that I had deserved it right up until I was twenty-six! So much for my genetically enhanced intelligence!”

“As you know,” said Garak, gently, “It took me until I was about fifty-four of your years to come to the same realization. No one is immune to manipulation tactics dear, not even the genetically enhanced.”

“I know,” said Julian sadly. “It’s just fucked up, and now I have to live with it.”

He stood up and looked down at his feet awkwardly. Garak squeezed his hand. Julian squeezed back.

“I know you’re all horny and aroused right now, but is it all right if we just cuddle? I feel off and I just want to be held.”

Garak laughed in surprise. “Of course, dear!”

Julian and Garak climbed into bed and wrapped their arms around each other. Julian rested his head against Garak’s chest. Garak gently stroked his back and wiped a tear from his partner’s cheek. Julian squeezed him. He felt safe and accepted. He shared the feeling with Jules.

>>\----------o----------<<

Something changed for Julian as time went on. He felt more secure and his body calmed down a bit. Sure, he was still very much attracted to Garak in every way imaginable, but the desperation was gone. He didn’t need as much ‘help’ anymore. Sometimes, he went weeks without it because what he really needed after a long and stressful day was to just be cuddled.

His days got more and more stressful as war broke out with the Klingons. Garak’s did as well but for different reasons mainly relating to his tailoring business. The stress from the war was making his customers all the more demanding and unpleasant.

Julian came to pick up Garak from Garak’s Clothiers at noon for their usual lunch date. He found his partner doing some hand embroidery in his workshop.

“I’ve been engaging in some contemplation,” said Garak, not looking up from his work.

“Oh?” said Julian. “How unusual. Do tell, what have you been contemplating as of late?”

“I’ve been considering,” said Garak, looking up at Julian from under his ridges and then back down at his embroidery in a surreptitious manner. “That perhaps it’s time I tried _threading the old bobbin._ ”

“Threading the old bobbin?”

“It’s not like I’m getting any younger, and it would be a shame if I should _perish_ in this war, having failed to try it at _least once,_ especially,” Garak looked back up at Julian from under his ridges, his voice growing all the more suggestive, “since I have a partner with such _dexterous_ and _talented_ fingers.”

“Sure, I’ll help you thread something,” said Julian, looking around for Garak’s sewing equipment. “Where is it?”

Garak chuckled. “Oh, dear Doctor! Perhaps I have not made myself clear!” He sprung to his feet and stood in front of Julian, their chests almost touching. “What I’m _asking_ for you to do is to _thread_ my bobbin, _adjust_ my stitch width dial, _flick_ my thread uptake lever and _pound_ my needle plate!”

Their noses almost touched. “I-I-I” stammered Julian, going warm, “I don’t know that much about sewing Elim.”

Garak stepped back and sighed dramatically. “Doctor! Must you really force me be so forward?” He picked up his embroidery and needle. “I want you to…”

He made lewd motions with the needle, plunging it into the fabric and wiggling it in and out. Julian’s mouth dropped open.

“O— oh! You want me to… you want me to do _that_ … to— to you?”

Garak tilted his head and raised his eye ridges ‘yes.’

Julian couldn’t think of what to say. “Why?” he said at last.

“Because I’ve never had anyone whom I trusted enough before now,” said Garak. “I want to try something new.”

“But you’re Asexual!” Julian blurted out.

“That doesn’t mean I’m required to be celibate! Really Julian, you’re making this out to be more complicated than it is. I simply don’t experience sexual attraction like you do. That doesn’t mean that I couldn’t possibly find physical pleasure, nor does it mean I couldn’t value sharing in an intimate activity with someone who’s affection and company I enjoy. I may at least get some stress relief from it.”

Julian thought about it and it made sense. He gave Garak a kiss. “I’d be happy to help you with your sewing machine,” he said innocently.

Garak groaned. “Someone help me.”

>>\----------o----------<<

They chose a date for Garak’s ‘deflowering’ (as he had taken to calling it) to give them time to prepare. Julian felt nervous as the day drew near. He really wanted it to be a good experience for Garak. It was a lot of pressure to be someone’s first time, especially as he couldn’t really just rely on his own attractiveness to get his partner aroused.

He also was worried that once he’d gotten a taste of something more, his libido wouldn’t let him be satisfied with just hand jobs again. _Perhaps,_ he thought, _it would be better to not know what it was like to…_ erotic scenes flashed through his mind and he stifled a whimper.

On the day of the main event, Julian was considering not going through with it. He wrote a speech of excuses in his head, as he went about restocking the infirmary. The evening came all too soon. He felt short of breath and a little nauseous.

When he reached the doors of Garak’s Clothiers, his heart was racing. He had made up his mind. He wasn’t ready. The irony was not lost on him.

The shop lights were off, but the door was unlocked. Julian opened it as though it were the creaking front entrance of a dark, cobwebbed mansion instead of his partner’s shop. “Garak?”

He braced himself incase Garak should leap out at him from somewhere in the shadows. Who knew what deviant and risqué activities he had planned? The man had given him a lap dance after all and seemed to be growing a taste for bdsm.

“Garak? Please don’t jump out at me.”

“I’m in the back, love. Lock up behind you.”

Julian locked the doors even though he did not intend to have sex that night. There was no need for their discussion to be interrupted. He crept towards the back room. The shadows that the mannequins cast on the walls were starting to creep him out. Light flickered from beneath the closed door that led to Garak’s work room. Julian took a deep breath and opened up the door.

Soft candlelight danced on the walls of the room. Garak was sitting on the floor in a nest of pillows and blankets. He was wearing an ivory white, silk slip and had delicate baby’s breath flowers pinned into his hair. His expression was gentle and vulnerable. He smiled shyly and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

The entire speech Julian had prepared vanished on his lips and his anxiety dissolved away. He changed his mind. They would be having sex tonight after all.

“Alas! My lover has come to take away my innocence!” declared Garak.

Julian laughed. “Elim, that is the last adjective anyone would ever think of to describe you.”

Garak gave Julian his classic _’Who me? I haven’t ever done anything wrong in my life!’_ look. “Come to me my beloved. Come sneak into my bed and rid me of my chastity while the whole station sleeps, unaware of our unbridaled love-making!”

Julian grinned shyly and slipped off his shoes. He took off his uniform top so that only his undershirt remained. He took off his pants and socks too and folded his clothes neatly. Garak gave him a nod of approval.

Julian crawled into Garak’s nest and lay down next to him. His head and torso were supported by a pile of pillows. Garak put a hand on Julian’s hip. They both shared a gleeful smile and then pounced on each other, kissing and touching.

Julian moved his hands up to Garak’s neck ridges and started giving him a massage, intent on getting a similar response as last time. Garak had plans of his own and started pulling Julian’s shirt up. His hands slid from Julian’s lower abdomen around to Julian’s ass. Julian moaned at the feeling of Garak squeezing him. Garak’s neck was turning as black as soot and the calm, intelligent presence that usually possessed Garak’s eyes was gone, replaced with carnivorous need.

Garak cupped Julian’s genitals, and, when Julian groaned enthusiastically, slipped his thumbs in Julian’s waistband and tugged. He took Julian’s limp cock in his hand and began to tenderly massage it. It grew thicker with the attention.

Julian kissed Garak and moved up to nuzzle his forehead spoon. Garak let go a whine of enthusiasm. “Oh, is that a spot that feels extra nice to touch?” asked Julian.

Garak pushed his forehead into Julian’s curious fingers and hummed zealously as Julian used his thumb to rub circles into his indentation.

Julian was now fully erect. Garak tugged lightly on his balls, playing with them, which made Julian laugh. It tickled. Garak put his arms around him.

“Are you ready?”

Julian nodded. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

Garak rolled onto his back and Julian knelt between his partner’s bent legs, stroking himself leisurely. Garak locked eyes with Julian. He slowly lifted up the hem of his slip, revealing himself scale by scale. And then Julian saw it, the one square inch of Garak he had never seen before.

Garak’s cloaca glistened with arousal. It was slightly parted with the tip of his phallus poking out. Garak looked vulnerably up at him. He gave another shy smile, his body completely open and unguarded. Julian returned the expression and ran his hands down Garak’s inner thighs. Garak shivered, his breath slow, deep, and steady. Julian reached out with one finger and lightly traced the very opening of Garak’s cloaca, looking into Garak’s eyes as he did so. Garak stared back, transfixed. Julian’s finger tickled the tip of Garak’s phallus. Garak bit his lip as the finger dipped into him, breaching him. Julian carefully moved his finger in and out, exploring deeper each time. Garak felt pretty loose, so he added a second one, and then a third. Garak reached out and held Julian’s hips. He looked down at Julian’s cock and back up, silently communicating.

“You’re ready?” Julian whispered.

Garak smiled yes and reached under one of the pillows. He fished out a condom. They had agreed beforehand to use one to make things less messy and more pleasant for Garak. Garak ripped open the package and slid the little, pale circle out. He took hold of Julian’s length and helped his partner put it on. Then he pulled Julian forwards into an embrace.

“Do it,” he whispered. “Take my virginity dear Julian. I want to savor the moment you slip inside of me.”

Julian kissed Garak deeply, bringing one of his hands down to help himself line up. It took a little bit of wiggling, and finding the right angle, but all at once he was inside and they were joined.”  
Garak cupped Julian’s face in his hands, his eyes searching his lover’s. Julian smiled down at him. Garak squeezed Julian between his legs.

“How does it feel?” asked Julian.

“Tight and a little bit painful, but I don’t want to let go,” said Garak.

“Just give it a moment,” advised Julian. “Let your body relax. It will feel better.”

Julian felt Garak begin to relax around him. Garak ran his hands along Julian’s neck and shoulders. “I like this,” he said. “I like being able to hold you like this. I like holding you inside me! Oh Julian, you’re a fool for coming here tonight. I’m never going to let you go!”

Garak squeezed Julian tight with his whole body as Julian fell against him, laughing. “I’ll have a very hard time explaining that to Captain Sisko!”

Garak laughed too, his body twitching around Julian’s cock. “You’re going to have to. You’re stuck now. We are conjoined. I’m sorry dear, it can’t be helped.”

A momentary flash of panic struck Julian. “Wait, you’re joking, right? This isn’t some peculiarity of your species’ mating practices?”

Garak roared with laughter, his body shaking around Julian’s. “Doctor! I’m obviously having you on! Guls and Legates! Can you imagine? How would we ever get anything done?”

Julian hid his face in Garak’s neck bashfully. “One can never be too sure,” he mumbled.

Garak petted his hair consolingly. Julian buried his face further. Garak started to wiggle and grind against Julian which got his attention. Julian raised his head, his eyes closed.

“Oh Gar-ak! You feel so nice!”

“You’re mine now, my dear,” said Garak. “You’re all mine to do with as I please.”

Julian put his hands back on Garak’s neck ridges and rubbed. Garak gasped and moaned obscenely.

“I think you mean that _you_ are _mine,_ my dear Mr. Garak,” Julian said, increasing their pace.

“You overessstimate your powerr,” hissed Garak, stubbornly trying to hold onto what was left of his composure.

Julian glared at him. Suddenly he pulled out and slipped his hand into Garak instead, searching with his fingers. He used his other hand to caress Garak’s spoon. “I’m going to make that little prick of yours pop out and then you can try convincing me again that I am, in fact, yours.”

Garak squeezed his lips closed, obviously trying not to moan. Julian found a little, bumpy patch of micro-scales, deep within Garak, that seemed to trigger extra squirming. He played with it, exploring further. Suddenly, Garak’s legs clenched around him and he felt pressure pushing him out of his partner’s cavity. He removed his hand and Garak’s hemipenis slid out. Julian took it in his hand and looked gloatingly at Garak. Garak tried to look defiant, but that did not last long. Julian found the patch of microscales at the base of Garak’s hemipenis and began to drive him wild rubbing at it.

“I want to put you in my mouth,” said Julian, giving Garak a slight break so that he had a hope in hell of communicating coherently.

“Your mouth??” spluttered Garak. Cardassians apparently weren’t used to oral.

“I think you’d like it,” said Julian.

“You’re a fool to do so, but by all means, be my guest,” said Garak, rolling his eyes at Julian.

He gasped when Julian dove down and took him into his mouth in one smooth movement. Julian wiggled his head, side to side, rubbing at the base with his lips. He felt Garak suddenly grab his hair and moan louder than he had before.

“Jhyuliaa-an! Whaa-at are you do-oing to meee! O-oaaah! Wh-hy doessss thisss fee-el ssssso good?”

Julian laughed around Garak’s hemipenis and kept at it, pleasuring his partner until Garak was incapable of holding back anymore.

“Juuuuulian! Oh! You miiight want to ss-spit me out now!”

Julian gripped him harder moved even faster. Garak screamed, his fingernails digging into Julian’s scalp to the point of pain. Suddenly, Julian got the sensation of being waterboarded. A viscous liquid shot into his throat and spilled out of his mouth as if he had his lips around a fire hose. He pulled his mouth away, getting sprayed in the face as he did. He started choking and gaging. He felt Garak thump him hard between the shoulder blades three times. That knocked some of it out of him and cleared his airway. He gasped and coughed, the air now moving in and out of his lungs. Garak rubbed his back, his expression one of considerable concern.

“I’m all right,” Julian wheezed out, and then started to laugh and cough at the same time. “Garak, what the heck?”

“I tried to warn you,” scolded Garak affectionately.

Julian coughed for a good ten minutes. Garak made him put his clothes on and, despite Julian’s protests, all but carried him to the infirmary.

>>\----------o----------<<

Julian lay in an observation bed in the infirmary, periodically coughing and spitting into a tissue. Garak, who was dressed in his usual attire but still had a few flowers in his hair, sat next to him and rubbed his back. Julian could feel his medical staff exchanging humorous looks just out of his sight and cringed.

“I must say,” said Garak, his voice low so that he would not be overheard, “you gave me a most memorable first time indeed. No matter how much sex I may choose to have from now on, I doubt I’ll ever be able to forget the time that I almost killed my partner with an orgasm.”

“You didn’t almost kill me,” said Julian, coughing. “I just couldn’t breathe for a moment, that’s all. Don’t be dramatic.”

“Is it not my dutiful right as your partner to be dramatic about such matters?” countered Garak.

Julian smiled and turned to face him. “I’m Starfleet officer,” he said. “You’re going to have to accept that my career comes with a certain amount of risk.”

“Your career? What does any of this have to do with Starfleet, Julian?” Garak said in faux irritability.

“It’s our mission,” said Julian,” to seek out new life.”

“Oh?”

“And to boldly go,” Julian said and smirked, “where no one has gone before?”

Garak barely held onto his composure “So, you were fulfilling your duties as a Starfleet officer then?”

“Why yes in fact.”

“Does that mean,” Garak said, his lips twitching, “that you’ll be filling out a mission report?”

They both lost it.

>>\----------o----------<<

Julian and Garak spent the rest of the evening at home, enjoying a replicated roast and engaging in their usual banter.

After dinner, they both settled down onto the couch. “Earlier,” said Garak, “I don’t believe you got to cross the finish line, so to speak. Would you like to have your turn now?”

“Actually,” said Julian, “I think I feel like some poetry?”

Garak beamed and got the poetry book from the shelf. He took Julian’s hand and spoke with great feeling.

_Come, my beloved light,  
Let us wander this path, hand to hand.  
You shall know more of I and I of you,  
Than either of us sought to find.  
Embark with me and I am yours  
Were’er this path may wind._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Guldukat-is-shredded for [Elim Garak's sartorial euphemisms for sex.](https://guldukat-is-shredded.tumblr.com/post/160228121610/elim-garaks-sartorial-euphemisms-for-sex-10)
> 
> And credit to Almaasi for writing [Pegging and Parole.](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958500)
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please consider giving my art a reblog on tumblr [ X ](https://ettaberrytea.tumblr.com/post/639972423298580480/as-alien-as-you-are-julian-bashir-and-elim-garak)
> 
> 💕


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